You Will Never Know

Posted October 19 2016 in Emotional Wellness

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I have always felt that communication is the key to understanding, especially in our personal relationships.

This is particularly true if a person is suffering from emotional distress. Holding in your thoughts and feelings can lead to severe anxiety.

It sounds so easy to bare your soul, but it never is. You need the right person to confide in, someone with compassion and empathy.

This can be difficult in a spousal/partner household where day to day events and disagreements  can overshadow the intimacy needed to be completely frank with the person you are closest to.

I would like to use the song in the video above to demonstrate how pent up emotions can drive a person to the brink of doing something rash.

The purpose of this exercise is to reinforce how important communication is when your world feels out of sync.

If you are emotionally distressed you won’t be able to receive help unless you open a dialogue with the person or people you feel you can trust the most.

I first heard the song ‘You will Never Know’ by French chanteuse Imany in it’s remix version, which means disco/club upbeat styling. It had a catchy beat and was a good dance tune but it was the lyrics that grabbed my attention.

I just had to find out who the artist was, so I Goggled the song’s title and the results came up with several versions, all completely different. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was looking for or why, but when I found the video above my motivation became crystal clear.

If you look at the faces of the young people in the video, it is strikingly clear that they have hidden secrets. It is obvious that some are romantically involved while the pictures of the individual actors are haunting in their subtle intensity.

As the lyrics unfold, we learn that the person singing is traumatized by not being able to tell her lover the truth.

She is suffering from emotional distress. The most prevalent word in the lyrics is ‘no.’

This song fits perfectly into my exploration of emotional wellness. You can feel the tension and frustration in the singer’s voice.

She is totally closed, and on the verge of severe emotional distress. The voice could be female or male, it makes no difference.

I have written the lyrics below because they contain important clues to the singer’s state of mind.

The stanza’s are numbered to make it easier to follow my  discussion points afterward. in certain instances I will relate the lyrics to the accompanying video scene.

Stanza 1.

” It breaks my heart ‘cos I know you’re the one for me

Don’t you feel sad there never was a story, obviously

It’ll never be one

Stanza 2.

And you will never know

I will never show

What I feel, what I need from you

And you will never know

I will never show

What I feel, what I need from you

Stanza 3.

With every smile comes my reality, irony

You won’t find out was has been killing me

Can’t you see me, can’t you see..?

Stanza 4.

And you will never know

I will never show

what I feel what I need from you, no

And you will never know

I will never show

What I feel what I need from you, no no

You will never know

I will never show, what I feel, what I need from you.

Stanza 5.

No no no no you’ll never know

No no no you’ll never know

No no no no

Love me, love me, love me, love me, no!

Stanza 6.

And you will never know

I will never show no no no

What I feel what I need from you no no no

And you will never know

I will never show no no no

What I feel what I need from you,

No.”

 

Now here is my impression of what the lyrics are revealing:

Stanza 1.

It breaks my heart ‘cos I know you’re the one for me

Don’t you feel sad there will never be a story, obviously

It’ll never be one.

The very first line sets the stage for what is to follow. Her heart is broken, even though she knows that the other person is ‘the one for me.’

In lines two she asks the person if they are sad too, then laments in lines 2 and 3 that there was never going to be ‘a story’ about their relationship.

The relating video clips for this stanza starts with a reclining lady deep in thought, then pans out to a couple sitting on a railway track deep in discussion. The bright light of an approaching train can be seen in the background. Will the couple move in time, or is the train a portent of imment disaster?

Stanza 2.

And you will never know

I will never show

What I feel, what

This is the refrain or course of the song, which is repeated with some word additions three times in the song.

Lines 1 and 2 lay open the crux of her dilemma. The other person will never know and she can’t or is unwilling to tell him what she is feeling.

Line three cries out that she feels and needs something desperately, but the word ‘no’ slams the door on any willingness to share her needs and feelings.

The first three lines then repeat themselves giving added force to her original thoughts.

The video clips here commence with a smiling couple sharing a secret, then cuts to a solitary girl in a flowing white dress alone in her own sylvan world. Another romantic couple appears the another solitary lady in deep reflection.

Stanza 3.

During the singing of the first line you see a closeup girl’s beautiful smile while the camera pans into a closeup. Her every smile is ironic, because her reality is that through her silence that partner won’t find out what her problem is.

As the image on the screen changes to two haunting images of a forlorn lady who seems to have lost all hope, the words “what is killing me” are sung, so there remains no doubt that the person is in desperate trouble.

Yet, she pleads in the last line for recognition of her trauma, “Can’t you see me, can’t you see?”

Stanza 4.

The refrain repeats here with one subtle but important change to the lyrics.

In the third line, “What I need from you,” the word “no” is added at the end of the line.

When the same phrase is repeated in the sixth line there are two ” no’s,”  the second one painfully stung out

Also the words “know” and “show” are sung with much more sorrowful conviction.

The pictures accompanying the lyrics in this verse are extremely important.

The first image is of a couple walking in a wheat field but separated by several paces.

Next comes a silhouette of a woman praying outdoors with the sun’s glow above her in the sky.

Then we see a shot from behind of a couple that is peering through a small opening in a thick, high door, with a bright light shining on the other side.

Similarly, then next scene is shot from the rear, this time a nude female is kneeling, staring at the opening between double wooden doors ,through which a faint beam of light is visible.

An attractive couple embracing, seemingly content with their her head resting on his face comes into view next, followed immediately by a seated couple leaning against and separated by a thick white wall. Their lack of communication is startling.

Stanza 5.

This is the most disturbing yet honest verse in the entire song.

The word “no” is sung twelve times in four lines.

Total affirmation of the singer’s will to keep her secrets to herself, yet for one solitary line she pleads to be loved,

Then the emphatic single word, “no!” shatters all hope of letting someone help her.

A beautiful fair haired maiden looks directly into her partner’s eye’s revealing nothing but obviously looking for some answers as we only see part of his face profile. Then a black room with beams of sun shining a window on a hunched over figure followed by a totally out of focus shot of a face.

When the final emphatic NO! is forcefully stated, there is a dark silhouette of a couple embracing.

No, no, no, no, you’ll never know, no, no, no, no, you’ll never know, no, no, no, no,

“Love me, love me, love me, love me…NO!

Stanza 6.

Once again the refrain is repeated with a beautiful ocean shot of a full moon in the background and a couple gazing into each other’s eyes.

The second frame is of of a couple, she up front looking solemnly at the ground, he further back and out of focus.

Next we have a closeup shot of lady’s eye with a single tear about to slide down her face as the camera pan’s back.

Another backlit picture of a naked women staring at a brightly lit window

Then the final two frames rivet the viewer to the screen.

Shot from behind, a lithe female form that we have seen in several frames walks along a planked dock with a lake in front of her dressed in a flowing white gown.

The song now  repeats the words, “what I feel, what I feel, what I feel”

In the last image is taken from under the water, her gown is spread out beneath her, her arms outstretched pointing down.

Her head remains above the water as the words,

“what I need, what I need from you….”

The very last word sung is “NO!”

We are left to wonder what comes next.

Does she enjoy her quiet peacefulness and carry on,

Or?

 

So, what can we take away from this song to help our emotional wellness?

For me the overriding feeling is one of frustration.

In the very first line the singer admits that her heart is broken because show knows her partner is the one for her, but there is sadness because there will never be a story of  ‘them.’

She is incapable of talking to that person, even though something is “killing me.”

But he or she “won’t find out.”

And yet she pleads ” can’t you see, can’t you see me?”

Her frustration builds throughout the flow of lyrics and the repetitiveness of the refrain adds force to her conviction that the emotions she so desperately wants to reveal are trapped inside of her.

This person wants to be loved and taken care of but she is so out of sorts because her consort can’t see her inner souls.

” I will never show what I feel, what I need from you, no.”

And then,

“Love me, love me, love me,” she wants to open up, she wants to be loved, but

“No!” she can’t or won’t allow herself to be.

The fact this video was shot in black and white is very telling, because so often our emotions are black or white. We are either happy or sad.

The use of young couples strongly reinforces the complexity of emotional feelings that are so often prevalent in male/female partnerships today.

It is so hard to bare our soles, to seek help for what ails us emotionally.

WHY?

Trust and stigma,

Trust that the person or people you reveal your inner feelings to will not be judgemental, or worse will not keep you confidentially.

While the internet has been a game changer in many good ways, it has also added a huge amount of emotional stress to people using social media. Secrets that are revealed can often have permanent if not fatal results.

The stigma being emotionally unbalance is also a hindrance to ‘coming out.’

Everyone wants to be ‘normal,’ and hang with ‘normal’ friends. If someone is perceives as being  less then normal, there are usually social consequences.

The thing is that you can’t get help for emotional distress unless you seek it…from a family member, friend or professional.

You must communicate your feelings, bare your sole to start the process of healing, of working through your emotional dilemmas.

Having been a primary caregiver for someone that suffered from severe emotional distress I know how important communication can be.

So don’t be the person that says “you will never know, I will never show, what I feel, what I need from you, no.”

Talk to someone you trust and say,” love me, love me, love me, love me…”

“YES!”